What I'm NOT Doing...

Original post date was to have been two years ago today. Hmm... What I'm NOT doing today, two years later...

1. Being pregnant
2. Having pity party about baby showers
3. Whining about my upcoming birthday
4. Getting a pedicure

:::

Today and tomorrow are supposed to be a day of doing household projects in preparation for this little karate kid in my belly. I told The Music Man yesterday that I'm loosing that nesting feeling and delayed 2nd trimester energy fast. I am becoming more and more uncomfortable and my feet are beginning to swell just a bit. There is still so much to do, and I'm afraid that my motivation has peaked and is now waning. I've moved from nesting to desperately wanting to finally hold this baby in my arms, not my belly.

So, this is what's on the agenda for the weekend:

1. Rearrange the kids' bedroom to make room for baby.
2. Clean out the bathroom closet and cupboards to make room for all the stuff currently residing on the changing table.
3. Dig out remaining baby gear from the shed and figure out what is still usable and what needs to be replaced.
4. Make a master list of everything else that needs to be bought before we are ready for baby.
5. Name this baby.

It might not sound like much to you, but it is so overwhelming to me, especially given the fact that The Music Man is in the basement on the phone with the IRS and has been for the past hour with no sign of hanging up anytime soon. In addition I've been watching A Baby Story and it's making me sad. I'm so ready to be the one delivering and bring my baby home.

:::

(WARNING: What follows can only be described as a full blown pity party. I'm sorry to do this to you, but this is my blog and my journal of sorts. Besides I'm very pregnant and emotional so I need your pity and support. Ok, here goes...)

On another semi-related note, I'm a little bummed out. Call me crazy, but why are there no baby showers given for second babies? It just seems like no one feels the need to celebrate this second baby's upcoming arrival or the fact that I am miraculously pregnant after two miscarriages. This may sound selfish, but I just don't get it. This time around I am far from any family, which is making this harder yet.

Don't get me wrong, my friends here are excited about this baby, but it's just not the same as having my family close. There are so many times when I have wanted to work on something for the baby with my mom or sisters, but can't because they're hundreds of miles away. I miss them and the excitement they have over this little addition to our big family.

And, oh my goodness, so many of my girlfriends here read this blog and I don't want anyone to think I'm fishing for a baby shower. That's not why I'm writing this. Maybe it's just because it's rainy outside today which is making me a little down and out.

And, I need a pedicure.

AND I'm turning 30 on Thursday and it will most likely be a day like every other, but it's a huge deal for me!

Why, oh why, is my family scattered all over so far away from me. I need them here!!!

You can change how you roll.

Do you remember my Cathartic Confession I made the other week? No? Ok, well, in a nutshell, I have this absurd fear of actually getting what I have so-long desired and prayed for. WHAT. THE. HECK?! Who does that! And why would someone be afraid of that. Don't you think when you see it up ahead, you'd go running after it?

Apparently that's not how I roll. I roll in fear of that most of the time. Or so I thought...

My beautiful sister-friend Anissa (who has birthed the most amazing niece and nephews this auntie could have ever imagined!--Hey Kidlets!!!) and I were talking about this ridiculous fear I have. Later, she sent me an email that was so powerful it just about blew my head off. Seriously! In one short paragraph it summed up EXACTLY what is at the root of my fear.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson Isn't that what we're all really afraid of? We're not afraid of those things that we've been longing and praying for. No way! We wouldn't pray for those things and dream about them if we didn't truly want them. What we're afraid of is being who we were always meant to be and what we were always meant to be is awesome! God doesn't create duds. He only creates awesome. We are awesome. It's taken me time to marinate in that word and soak it all up. I wish I could sit here and type out that I have conquered that old nasty beast of fear, but for me it's a process of letting go. Or better still, it's a process of going so deep in Him that there is no room left for any fear. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18. For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 So here's my question for you: What are you so afraid of?

My Healer

Pastor did a summer sermon series on the Names of God. Some of the Names he preached on were Jehovah Jireh - The Lord my Provider, El Shaddai - The All Sufficient One, and Jehovah Rohi - The Lord my Shepherd.

The last name he spoke on is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer. I love this name. When I took Systematic Theology I in college we had to memorize a whole bunch of the Names of God and I remembered this one by imagining Jehovah Rapha as Jehovah Wrap-a like a bandage-my Healer.

There are three ways Jehovah Rapha wants to heal you....

1. Emotional Healing - Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
2. Physical Healing - 2 Kings 20:5-6 "‘...Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you..."
3. Spiritual Healing - Isaiah 1:18 “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

The thing about healings is that they come in may forms and not usually in the way we think they should. There are instantaneous healings like in Acts 28:8-9 "And it happened that the father of Publius lay sick of a fever and dysentery. Paul went in to him and prayed, and he laid his hands on him and healed him." There are also healings that occur over a period of time as in Acts 28:9 "So when this was done, the rest of those on the island who had diseases also came and were healed."

Yesterday morning I was straightening my hair when out of no where my neck popped and I could barely move. I couldn't turn my head at all. The pain was so intense I was brought to tears. I had a meeting that morning to get to so I cried (literally) out to Jehovah Rapha to heal my neck. As I cried I also worship Jehovah Rapha for the healing that was already happening in my body even though I couldn't feel or see it. I KNEW it was coming because I have chosen to believe what the Word of God says and it said that He will heal me, not He might heal me, but HE WILL HEAL ME!

By the time I got in the car to leave for my meeting I was still in a lot of pain. I relied solely on my mirrors because I couldn't turn my head at all. I was still in tears, so I called in the re-enforcements--my man of God. I tried to suck it up and not get all emotional but I couldn't. The pain was too intense As I sobbed, he prayed, and Jehovah Rapha healed.

In that instant I knew that Jehovah Rapha was giving me an instantaneous healing as well as a healing that would occur over a period of time. I felt immediate relief. I was able to turn my head enough to allow me to safely and somewhat comfortably drive to my meeting. The excruciating pain that had brought me to my knees never came back. Throughout the day the pain lessened. I went to bed with a moist heating pad on my neck.

I woke up this morning with only the slightest discomfort when I turn my head deeply to one side or the other. That's it!!! Jehovah Rapha displayed His instant healing as well as His on-going healing in me.

I just had to share this with you, because you may be going through a time in your life where you are in need of a healing of your own. You may have been praying for years wondering if God even heard your prayers. I want you to know that He does hear you and He wants to heal you! Don't give up. Your healing is coming! Jehovah Rapha is the Lord YOUR HEALER!

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2008 in Review

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?Became the mother of two children.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't really make any. I was pregnant so I couldn't really use lose weight as a resolution.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my neighbor, Jen had a baby girl, Anna, as did my friend Stephanie, who had Brynlee.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

The only person that I knew personally that died was Mrs. Allen.

5. What countries did you visit?

No over-seas travel for me this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A flat stomach. Okay, I'll even settle for a semi-flat stomach.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 14, the day my not-so-little-anymore man-child was born.


April 10, the day I left my 20's forever and joined the "adults" in the 30's.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Having and nursing my son.



9. What was your biggest failure?

My personal blog and LazyMom

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I will forever remember The Great Plague of 2008. It wiped out my entire family for 3 straight weeks.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

New Living Room furniture!!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My dad! He retired after 30 years! Congratulations to him!!!!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Politicians!!!!

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, bills, and more bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The ease of delivery with Jackson and the simplicity of nursing him for the past 7 months. AND!!!! How quickly I fit into my skinny jeans after having a baby!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Found, Travis Cotrell (actually the whole cd)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
c) richer or poorer? The same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Blogging

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Mindless surfing of the internet

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home, which is where I hope we spend the holiday next year.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Absolutely!!!  How could I not?!?!


22. What was your favorite TV program?

Heroes, Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

Just one???

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Agustana, Amos Lee

26. What did you want and get?

A perfectly healthy, beautiful baby and new living room furniture

27. What did you want and not get?

Pre-baby skinny

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Juno (not sure if it came out this year, but I saw it this year)  The Music Man and I watched it the night Jackson was born.  We cuddled together on my hospital bed with the tiny, squishy, bundle of pure bliss slept in our arms.  It was by far the BEST night of 2008 and certainly the BEST movie to watch while laying in a hospital after giving birth.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30.  I wanted to go to DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival, but it would have been too much walking/waddling for my 9 month pregnant body.  So instead we went to Lancaster.  It was great.  I shopped for the kids (of course! what else does a mom shop for on her birthday?!) We had dinner at the Red Lobster.  A F150 truck fell off a tow truck and smashed my van.  Happy Birthday to me!

  
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

One more day of preschool each week.  Working on that for 2009.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Same, pregnant or not.

32. What kept you sane?

Jesus, my husband, and my mom.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Will Smith.  He's my best friend, you know.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The terrifying bias of the media regarding the November elections.  They voted in our new president.

35. Who did you miss?

My brother and his family

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Jackson Warner Ball

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

"Look cute" when you go out in public.  Your family will thank you, even the little ones.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I'm Over by Travis Cottrell

"I lived so long in darkness.

 Fighting all I believe.

 I've questioned everything you are.

 But faithful as the morning star you never leave.

Oh, I'm over living life in fear and doubt. 

Oh, I'm over. I won't resist the One I can't live without.

I'm over.

I don't know why you chose me,

Knowing I would be weak.

Just as I am torn apart,

You run to me with open arms and hold me.

Oh, I'm over living life in fear and doubt. 

Oh, I'm over. I won't resist the One I can't live without.

And I know You love me even when it's hard to see.

I'll follow and chose to say I'm over.

You never said it would be easy,

But you promised that you'd stay.

You give me rest.

You will be here with me.

You'll never walk away.

I'm over.

Fighting.

Doubting.

Losing.

Drowning.

Running.

Fearing.

Oh, I'm over living life in fear and doubt. 

Oh, I'm over. I won't resist the One I can't live without.

And I know You love me even when it's hard to see.

I'll follow and chose to say I'm over.

39.  2008 in one word.

Jackson

40. Hope for 2009.

To enjoy each day as it comes.  To live life to its very fullest.  To please my husband.  To embrace the pure bliss that is being a mother.  To be a better person.

Did You?

What's Your Personality?

The Down Side of Nursing

• Your boobs explode to an incredibly enormous size. 
  
• You can't find a comfortable bra that doesn't give you a uni-boob.
  
• Your bras now cost a whopping $60 a pop!
• Your boobs suddenly tingle whenever you hear a baby, whether it is yours or not.
  
• You can't abide hugs.
  
• Your boobs drip when you put lotion on your legs after your shower.
  
• You have to wear a bra to bed.
  
• You have to wear a bra AT. ALL. TIMES.
  
• Your boobs are twice the size of your rapidly growing baby's head.
  
• Your can't wear normal shirts without thinking about how you're going to be able to "whip it out."
  
• Your butt is numb 75% of the day due to sitting on it ALL. THE. TIME.
• You watch far too much television.
• You have a babe attached to you 20 hours a day.
• You don't want anyone, especially your husband, touching them or even thinking about them.
• You are the only one who can feed the baby every 1-3 hours, day and night.

:::

I'm discovering, much to my shock, that while nursing is working for us, I really don't like doing it for all the reasons stated above and more.  I know it's the best thing for our family, but it doesn't change the fact that I really don't like it.

I'm sorry nursing nazis.  I know you all think that there is this incredible bond that occurs while you nurse and that it supposedly can't happen if you bottle-feed, but I can honestly say I feel no more bonded to my son for nursing him than I did with my bottle-fed daughter.  

I'm not going to stop.  It really is what I want to do.  I just have to get my body accustomed to it.  (I HATE these ginormous boobs!!!  That's the WORST part for me!  Hate 'em.  Hate 'em.  Hate 'em.)  

I'm also hoping that in a few weeks I will be more used to this change in my daily routine.  I'm a sucker for routine and order.  I have a routine to my days that works so well.  Nursing throws routine and order out the window.  At least it has so far.  I'm sure we'll get it all figured out, but until then, I just keep telling myself, "It's the best thing...It's the best thing...It's the best thing..."

Second Baby Milestones

mmmm...

With a title like that you would expect me to write about The Man-Child's many achievements, but that's not quite what I mean.  

What I'm talking about is the fact that here I am 9 days after popping out child #2, and I just tried on a bunch of my pre-pregnancy jeans without going down a spiral of depression.  How can that be, you ask?  Well, you see, my boy was good to me, bless is little heart.  Not only did I try them on, but I was able to button AND zip them without much effort. 

Thank. You. Very. Much.

Now, I may be sporting some serious muffin-top and Lord knows there is no way I could ever sit down in them, but let's rejoice in the little things.  They were buttoned and zipped, People!  And I didn't even have to lay on the bed and suck in!  

Absolutely amazing!

God is good to me.

Oops!

I kinda, sorta bought another one.

But I got an absolutely amazing deal on it.  I couldn't resist.

Hitting the Wall

I know I told you that I would write a Birthday Week Wrap-up on Saturday, but if you take a look at this, you'll know why that never happened.  It's on my list of things to do, so maybe in the next week(s) I'll get to it, but I can't guarantee any promptness.

Be Still My Beating Heart

Heath Ledger is dead.

He was one of my two great celebrity loves*.  I used to dream about being whisked away to some Aussie palace where he would sing, "You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you..."

My favorite Heath movies:

10 Things I Hate About You

A Knight's Tale (which, might I add, first brought my attention to this remarkable creation.)

Casanova

*The other great celebrity love is a no brainer for any teenage girl in the 90's!  

Pin Pricks

I just had to share this hilarious story with you.  Last night The Music Man and I were going to bed.  We have yet to turn on the heat in our house because it's been so gorgeous, but last night it got down right cold.  So we were both shivering as we climbed into bed.  My man likes to watch tv before going to sleep (don't even get me started on that debate!), so he had his back to me and I was curled up behind him.  I was still too cold so I pulled my legs up to my belly to reserve my body heat.   A few minutes later he reached back and started scratching at his back where my knees were.  Then he started rubbing my knee.  I asked him if he like my sexy hairy knees.  And he said, "I felt something poking me and it hurt.  I thought there were pins in our bed."  

Nope!  Just my two-day old stubble on my knees.  For some reason I laughed hysterically for about 5 minutes.  I was remembering the days when I wouldn't dare let him touch my legs unless they were freshly shaven and glorious lotioned.  Yeah...I've really let myself go.  

This is Me.

I'm Melis, and this is me in a nutshell:

I grew up in Wisconsin. Lived there for 18 years (except for a 2-year stint in Indiana) before heading off to Bible College in Minnesota. I thought I would meet my husband there, but that was not the case. I actually met him when I went home for the summer after my first senior year.

This is my man 3 weeks before we met. Hot, right?, except for that blasted 'stache! I met my man in 2000 when he came on staff at my home church as the Worship Pastor.  We got married the next summer and we stayed in WI for the next 5 years. 

Along the way I had a girl-child and finally moved from my hometown to the East Coast. I quickly discovered that I was meant to live on the coast. I love, love, love living here and hope to never leave. Over the past two years I've been pregnant 3 times with only one of those ending with a baby in my arms. The man-child was born this past spring.  I have been blessed to be at home with my children since before my oldest was born.  God has been very good to us along the way. 

Every once and a while I'll get an hour here or there when I get to step away from my role as Mommy, Wife, or Pastor's Wife and I get to just be Me.  During those precious moments I like to read, write (blog), hang with my girls doing whatever--coffee, shopping, movies, spa days, anything.  I'm a blog junky!  I love to read them, write them, wish I could design them (anyone want to help me???).  I contribute to the coolest Mommy blog out there.  It's called I'm a Lazy Mom and is based on the idea that being a lazy mom is preferable to being a crazy mom.  I would love to write for more blogs.  Maybe someday someone will even pay be a bit for posting.  Oh and don't even get me started on my full-blown addiction to Facebook.  I had a fleeting fling with Twitter, but now it's all Facebook.

One of my greatest passions in life is seeing women find wholeness and healing through an honest relationship with God and with one another.  I serve my local company of women through the Exectutive Board of Destination: excellence, an exciting cutting edge ministry to women.  

I have a great many dreams of future ministry and life.  I would love someday to write a book or books.  I'd also love to travel and speak into the lives of women.  In the meantime I am just enjoying everyday life with the most amazing family and friends!  I absolutely love my life.  I love my rockin' little family more than anything in this world.  We are simply the coolest group of people you will ever meet and my highest priority in life, second only to my relationship with Jesus.

So that's me.  In a nutshell.  I hope you'll come back often.  I love you.  You are a most precious creation of a loving God.