Waiting

I lead a little Bible Study on Thursday mornings at my church, and by lead I mean that I welcome the ladies, try to encourage them a bit in their homework, and push play on the dvd.  We're about halfway through a study on Esther.  It would seem that I can't get through a session without a major revelation from God.  I love it, but at the same time some of these revelations have been uncomfortable to say the least, and yesterday was no different.

But first a bit of backstory.  You know I love to give a backstory!

You see, my man is currently on the great continent of Africa in the small country of Malawi.  I am beyond thrilled that he is there!  I KNOW that this is God's plan for our lives.  I just know that God is going to interrupt his life and change the course of his destiny.  I know beyond any shadow of doubt that this trip is going to forever change him.  He will never be the same and what God is birthing in him while he's gone will affect our family's life forever.  How could I not be giddy with excitement at that!?!  


I am also well aware of the fact that I stayed here for as specific of a purpose as he went to Africa.  God is birthing things in me that could never have happened had he not gone.  I am fully cognizant that while my heart beats for the poor and oppressed of this world, there are deeper places of intimacy with God that He wants to take me too.  When Scott is home, my life is him and the kids.  Most wives could say the same of their hubbys, but we can't forget that our Maker is our first husband and needs to be the center of our affections...ALWAYS! 
Isaiah 54:5
For your Maker is your husband, 

The Lord of hosts is His name; 
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; 
He is called the God of the whole earth.

And that is what God is wanting to show me while my man is gone.  He's wanting me all to himself.  No distractions of the heart.  No one to comfort me when I miss my man, so that I will turn to Him for comfort and to meet my every need.  He wants me to remember and come back to my first Love.  

On Wednesday morning at 4am I said goodbye to the Music Man.  I cried for the next hour and then we texted while he traveled to JFK.  We continued to txt, email, and call until the flight attendant literally said "Turn it off NOW!"  The next 15 hours he was in the air and my thoughts were consumed with him.  Every breath I took was a prayer for his safety and health and renewal, but I was desperately waiting for that moment he would land and find wifi so he could let me know he was ok.  Once I knew his plane landed I began to even more impatiently wait for a message of any kind saying.  I waited and waited.  A message came and then I waited for the next leg of his trip to be over so I could hear from him again.  Then I heard from him again.  And then I waited till the next time I'd hear from him.


I headed to Bible study still just waiting till the next precious moment when I would get a text, email, or phone call.  I waited and waited all the while going about my business, but by this point I was exhausted.   I had suffered from a massive headache all day Wednesday and it carried over into Thursday morning.  I was physically and emotionally spent by the time I got to Bible study. 


We're studying chapter 5 of Esther where she fasts and waits 3 days before coming before the king to beg for deliverance.  She invites him and Haman to a banquet and waits to make her request known.  She again waits when she invites them to a second banquet the following day.  


Beth's whole message yesterday was that waiting, when done right, is good. Sometimes waiting in the "meantime" is waiting in God-time.  Isaiah 40:31 says "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.


This is the revelation God showed me....
We will always lose our strength when we wait on an event, a person, a thing, but when we WAIT ON THE LORD, our strength will be RENEWED!


I realized that I had spent the entire day before waiting on a message, phone call, and while I prayed constantly, I was not waiting on God.  I have spent far too long waiting on others, on events, on things, when all that matters is waiting on my God.  I'm so tired in my waiting and worrying.  It's brought me nothing but stress and discomfort and exhaustion.  That's how I know I have not been waiting on the Lord as I should be.  If I had, I would be renewed, not only in my faith, but also in body, soul, mind, and strength.  I could soar like the eagles in the sky.  I would run the race with perseverance, and my walk would not make me faint.

With the revelation newly planted in my heart I was shocked to be able to spend my afternoon yesterday with my man via Tokbox, Skype, and iChat.

Technology: You are a beautiful thing and I do love you so.

He walked me through filing our taxes.  I helped him find things in his luggage as he unpacked.  He got to see Natalie and blow her kisses.  I was able to tell him about the massive devastation of Haiti and how much it had devastated my heart.  We cried together.  We encouraged one another.  We said all those things that we've always felt and thought but took for granted and forgot to say.

I was very much renewed in every way.  I chose yesterday morning in Bible not to wait on my man anymore but instead throw all my energy into waiting on the One who can renew me day after day, moment by moment.

No one on earth can do that for you.

NOTHING will satisfy like Jesus Christ alive in your heart!  


NOTHING!